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You are not Loved

You are not Loved.

WHAT!!!!! What is she saying, “I am not loved?” Of course I am loved. People love me. God loves me. Even my dog loves me! Of course I am loved!

Feeling,truly feeling and knowing that you are loved can be elusive. You think that maybe, possibly this person you have been dating for 8 months loves you, even though she hasn’t said it. You hope that your mother loves you, but you are not sure, especially when she says that she loves you, but then speaks to you harshly, always with a tinge of judgment or reproach. I mean, parents are supposed to love you, right? Spouses are supposed to love you. Man, you even hope that eventually, some day, your kids will love you! And what about God? How can God be loving me if everything in my life is going wrong? What is wrong with me????

What’s most likely going on is that you are living from the prove it, show it, I deserve it kind of love. You believe that you are worthy of being loved, especially by the people who should love you. But then they do things that hurt you, they don’t reassure you, they make you feel neglected, and definitelynot loved. Why do they do these things? Because they are jerks? Because no one loved them? Because you didn’t do enough for them? Because you are not worthy? Because you are not good? In this ‘kind’ of love, you can get stuck in these questions because this is how the people that function in this kind of love think. Pretty much everybody is thinking like this—right now. And frankly, these questions just don’t matter—outsideof this mode of thinking and believing about love.

When I was young I was very confused about the love I was receiving from my family. I wasn’t completely convinced that they loved me, and I didn’t know why. It just didn’t seem like they did. Of course, I ran with this and assumed there was something wrong with me. “What did I do, what can I do better, how can I make them love me, how can I fix this?” Equally as bad, I assumed there was something wrong with them. “It’s an injustice! They should love me for the way I am—they are my parents!! They are mean. I’m going to try to find another family . . .”

Well, all this thinking didn’t get me any closer to feeling loved. I was pretty stuck in this loop of being mad and feeling unworthy and trying to stop it. You can’t dry your feet off until you step out of the pool. One day it just occurred to me that maybe they were never going to love me. It actually didn’t bum me out to think this. And, I didn’t really blame them for it. It was just the realization that it probably isn’t going to happen the way I thought it would. They would probably never unconditionally love me, which was what I was really looking for. So, why wait around for that? I decided I was going to start realizing the existence of love in my life. I basically abandoned those thoughts (beliefs) that were telling me that I was not going to have love in my life, and I chose a new perspective: I have always and will always know and experience love. And it didn’t have to come from anywhere or be attached to any particular circumstance. I don’t have to be perfect, pretty, or sinless. No matter what, I am love, and I am loved, unconditionally.

You are not loved. You may need to realize this for yourself. You may need to wake up to the reality that the people in your life or the version of God you believe in will never love you. Get out now! Save yourself from this mind trap! And let those folks off the hook. They are no longer responsible for your personhood or sense of worth. No one can hold “lack of love” over you like a punishment or a carrot. You have known and always will know love in your life. Take love outside of the box it has been in, and turn it free! Doesn’t that feel good?

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